Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
