Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
