Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
