Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
