It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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