Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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