you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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