I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
This baby is an asshole
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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