i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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