i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
