I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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