rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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