My hand turned me down
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Vodka?
Forever.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
