...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
