I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
