were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
