I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
