my room smells like sperm. sweet.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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