When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
