Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she peed on how many people?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
