well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize