Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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