any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
