hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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