just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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