My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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