best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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