it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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