I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
