Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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