my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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