plz talk dirty to me
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
