If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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