Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
