what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
