You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
True strength comes from lack of pants
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
