What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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