At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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