he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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