I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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