every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
