My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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