I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
