My balls are so social today.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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