I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize