It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
