its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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