One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
