He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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