You smell like stripper and shame
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
