I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
