This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
