He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
