bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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