theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My bed smells like the plague
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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