I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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