she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize