How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
