i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
