speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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