There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
