My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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