I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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