im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
