You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
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