Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
