the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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