Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
