I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
