and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
