Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
